Lately I’ve been thinking about thoughts. Or, more accurately, thinking about how when we change what we think or believe about ourselves, everything else shifts, too. Changing our perspective can transform how we experience life. 

Have you heard the expression, "Change your thoughts, change your life?" 

As with most snappy one-liners, it can be an oversimplification. There's nuance to consider, but in my experience, there’s also an element of truth, especially regarding our career and life choices. 

Clients work with me because they want to change something in their career or life. They are keen to enjoy more purposeful work, be paid to be themselves, and experience greater confidence.  And we can do all that! But, often, we have to start with thoughts and perspectives, specifically, the client's thoughts about themselves, others and the situation they want to change. 

Thoughts = Perspective

Our thoughts are in our minds and determine our perspective, but they also control and influence our behaviour. So, when we shift our perspective, we change how we view challenges, decisions, commitments, other people and even ourselves.  

• With a change in perspective, we can see an alternative solution to the problem we previously felt was insurmountable. 

• Changing how we view the outcome of a decision can make it easier to move into action. 

• Viewing ourselves through a lens of strengths can help us realise things we have been told or thought were weaknesses or skills gaps are not.

• Putting ourselves in others' shoes, a classic perspective shifter, helps us better understand their behaviour and encourages increased compassion and kindness where before there was none.  

There are enormous personal, interpersonal and societal benefits to shifting our perspective.

And it needn’t be hard. The right questions can help change how you see things. Here are my top two questions to consider to help shift your perspective.

Questions to help shift your perspective

1. What am I holding onto versus what will I gain?

When we face a change, we often focus on what we will lose by letting go of that commitment, job, power, item, or relationship. By doing this, we only see the downsides. Instead, consider what you will gain.

For example, a client recently spoke to me about a role she had worked in for nearly a year. It paid well but had been increasingly taking a toll on her well-being. The time demands and expectations were increasing without a commensurate pay increase. Together, we worked through the issue. Rather than considering the income she would miss out on by not continuing in the role, I encouraged her to consider what new opportunities would present themselves. Specifically, what new opportunities might come her way when she had the space and time to explore work and activities more aligned with her skills, interests and experience?

Similarly, your schedule may be fully committed, but you feel you must keep an extra commitment that takes up every Saturday. You are concerned that others will judge you for stepping down from your obligations and consider you irresponsible or unreliable. But what would you gain by giving up that commitment? An afternoon spent with your loved ones? Time to do something that you genuinely love? The opportunity to explore a new passion project? Or, my favourite, an afternoon of free time to relax and restore your energy.

2. What is the true cost of this decision?

This question is a good reminder that we have a choice. And even when we don’t think we have a choice, we do. As Satre said, not choosing is still a choice.

“I can always choose, but I ought to know that if I do not choose, I am still choosing.” - Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialism and Human Emotions

I’m sure we’ve all had moments where we didn’t communicate a clear decision and ended up going along with something or committed to something that wasn’t what we wanted to do. I know I have! But what is the true cost of that decision?

Let’s use a simple example to illustrate, using the world of decluttering. Many of us struggle with giving away or getting rid of our acquired items. Like above, we view them from the perspective of what we lose by giving them away.

I am just as guilty of this as many of my clients. Years ago, I had a bracelet custom-made. Over many weeks, I met with the jeweller multiple times, and we designed something to represent my love for my family. A lot of time and money was invested. 

But I don’t wear it. It sits in my cupboard in a box, not even with my other jewellery, but tucked at the bottom of my wardrobe.

The decision to have the bracelet made is not the problem. The issue is the decision to keep the bracelet I don’t wear. What is the true cost of this decision? You guessed it, it’s not great. The true cost is not the time, money or physical space taken but the mental and emotional cost. The constant reminder of the shame and guilt I feel. Guilt about how much money I spent, and shame that I don’t wear it.

The two questions shared above are helpful to shift your perspective about decisions or items. Sometimes, though, we need a practical solution. After all, the challenge with thinking about your thoughts is that it can all get somewhat overwhelming.

Practical ways to change your perspective

Take a walk

Have you ever had a brilliant idea come to you when you are in the shower? Well, taking a walk is the dry version of that.

When I used to run workshops, if we got stuck in a discussion or if the storming part of brainstorming stagnated, I’d ask everyone to get up and walk backwards around the room. Backwards meant the participants had to concentrate on the walking action rather than continue ruminating on the issue. Every time, without fail, a new idea or view would emerge. 

Put simply, when we move our body, the meditative power of putting one foot after the other allows us to rejig thoughts and change our perspective on challenges or issues we face. I always prefer to get out in nature for my walk, but if you feel stuck and need to shift your perspective, any movement will help.

Have some alone time

This approach may not be suitable or possible for some, as solitude can be very hard for many. If you have the opportunity, taking yourself away for some quiet time to ponder, reflect, and connect with yourself can be incredibly valuable. A guided meditation or journalling can be supportive if you find being alone uncomfortable.

Personally, when I need to get a new perspective on an issue or challenge (for example, cope with a setback or loss) or have experienced a period of significant transition, some alone time helps me process the change and start to see the positives, even when the situation initially felt dire.

Connect with new ideas

Connecting with new ideas is a fun way to shift your perspective. Be open to receiving wisdom, guidance and ideas from all different sources for your life and career. One never knows when an insight or idea will resonate and be just what you need to help change how you view the world. 

Meeting new people, learning a new skill, reading a different magazine or listening to a new podcast can all be fun ways to change your thinking. 

Read a book

Reading widely and trying different authors or genres is a fabulous way to shift your thinking. A simple way to get started: if you generally read fiction, try non-fiction and vice versa. 

Diversifying my reading has been very positive; I have learnt something even when I have not loved a book, whether fiction or non-fiction. Sometimes, a new way of thinking about an issue, a wholly new perspective, or simply that I don’t like a particular genre! 

I’ve also learned that perspective shifts can come from unlikely sources. Even when a book does not appear to have a business or career focus, at least at first glance, I’ve still gained insights and lessons that can be applied in my career and life.

Letting go

We often need to let go of a belief, opinion or view to change our thoughts. Letting go is hard, especially when it’s a belief or view we have held most of our life or our parents had, and we took that belief or view too.

Changing one thought, one opinion, or one view can be transformative. So often, that one thought is mental clutter - it’s not helping us, it’s not adding value. It’s just there, subconsciously influencing our decisions and actions. It’s keeping us stuck. 

Maybe that thought prevents us from following our dreams. Perhaps it’s keeping us in a role we don’t enjoy. Or, it’s a view we’ve absorbed from our extended family, and as a result, we’re overwhelmed, overcommitted and stressed. If there is a heavy thought, view or opinion you are holding onto, I’d encourage you to probe a little deeper. Ask yourself whether that thought is helping you or hindering you. I’ve found Byron Katie’s questions cut effectively through that noise. Start with ‘Is this true?’ And then listen, really listen to what comes up. (Learn more about her questions to change painful thoughts here.)

Changing our perspective can transform how we experience life. What thought, perspective, or opinion can you let go of or change to feel lighter, more connected to others, and more confident to transform your life?

Are you ready to change your perspective?

Using the questions and practical approaches presented here can kickstart changing your perspective, but sometimes a more tailored, custom approach is required. And that’s where working with a coach (that’s me!) comes in. With one-on-one individual support, coaching can make all the difference when you are either thinking about or experiencing a time of change or wanting to feel clear and confident in your career and life.

A Clarity Kickstart is ideal if you are wanting to learn about and explore your strengths, are weighing up options, trying to make a decision or want accountability to support you move into action. After this powerful coaching expereince, you’ll have a clear way forward to address the key issue you are currently stuck on – no more second-guessing yourself! You will feel confident in yourself, and about your decisions; deeply knowing that ‘you’ve got this’. And, you will be inspired to move forward in your life on your own terms, with clarity, confidence and calm.