10 life lessons I wish I’d learned in my 20s
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There comes a point in our life when we have to acknowledge we are no longer as young as we think we are!
The realisation came when my youngest child was in his final year of primary school.
When I looked around and saw the new parents and children starting kindergarten, I realised I was one of the “old guard “, as at least one of my children had been attending that school for more than 10 years. As I write that, it sounds like a long time, yet it’s passed so quickly. As Gretchen Rubin says, “The days are long but the years are short”.
Reflecting on the past 10 years or so, made me think about the next 10 years. In far less than 10 years, both my boys will be in their 20s.
As my mind wandered, I found myself daydreaming about what it would be like to return to my 20s but knowing everything I know now.
Which got me thinking, what DO I wish I had known when I was in my 20s?
10 life lessons I wish I knew in my 20s
Be clear on your values
Many of us think we are clear on our values in our 20s, it is with hindsight we realise we were caught up in the messaging of popular culture. That, put simply, we need to get the next job, a promotion, a better car, get married, a bigger house, have babies, and take on a bigger mortgage. And for many, this is deemed the “normal “path.
As it was for me.
But all that striving, pushing and acquiring mean I now look back and wonder; What if my husband and I had been more confident to live differently? To stay in the smaller house, or to prioritise different things?
Act: Getting clear on your values can be as simple as asking, “What matters most to me?”
2. Identify and embrace your strengths
I had identified my strengths in my 20s but kept them hidden as I didn’t believe they were “appropriate “in the workplace. When your number one signature strength is love, and you work in corporate, this can be a problem.
Instead, I wish I had known that by embracing my strengths earlier, my career satisfaction would be increased, and I would have felt more like myself for a longer portion of my life.
Act – Identify your own strengths. Do this via the free VIA signature strengths survey
3. Maintain personal interests
In my 20s, I spent most of my time working. Long days in a corporate job meant very little time for other interests. At one point, I was working 14-hour days, six days a week. This left no time, energy or focus for much else. Fortunately, my relationship and friendships didn’t suffer too much, as we were all doing similar!
At the time, I always had a small creative project on the go which was a sanity saver. But I wish I had known the importance of following interests that are not vocation related for pure pleasure and joy.
Act - What do you enjoy doing? If you’ve not done it for a while, make it your focus this week.
4. Prioritise your well-being
As I shared above, I spent most of my 20s working a ridiculous number of hours, and thus, my well-being suffered. Particularly my physical health as I was not exercising at all. The time required to reap the benefits of even a daily walk was not something I felt I could prioritise!
Looking after our body is a valuable life lesson, as it’s the only one we have. Many of us in our 20s believe we are invincible, and so do not prioritise our well-being. To be fair though, this is changing culturally, and I see more of my younger clients prioritising their health and well-being which is great.
Act - Feel too busy to prioritise your well-being? Try some of these ideas, or book yourself at least 30 minutes to head outside and move your body. Movement, especially outdoors, improves both physical and mental well-being.
5. Invest in professional AND personal development
Certainly, from our teens, we are encouraged to acquire skills that are vocation based or support us think of a career, whether that be obtaining a degree, or furthering our education and professional expertise. All of which are valuable. But equally important and valuable is getting to know ourselves, and investing in our personal development.
Like many, I spent my 20s focused on professional development; acquiring my university degree, and saying yes to as many professional development opportunities as I could. When I learned to embrace personal development, I gained a greater understanding of both myself and others, my confidence increased and the benefits flowed to my professional life too.
Act - Learning more about yourself and how you relate to others can be a game-changer in your life and relationships. Checking out an online quiz or two is an easy (and fun!) way to get started.
6. Seek out support (SOS)
To be fair, in my 20s I did seek out support. It is a life lesson nonetheless; to invest wisely with people who can help you with some of these life lessons!
Whether it be a professional coach to help to support you in embracing your strengths, a mentor to support you or champion you in your workplace, a church leader to support you with values or any other person equipped to support you on your journey. As humans, we are deeply connected and benefit from asking for support as well as receiving it. And those giving the support also benefit. It’s mutually beneficial!
Act - Where could you use some support right now? If feeling more clear and confident in your career, life or business is what you’re after, let’s chat.
7. Create your life vision
As I’ve shared above, my life in my 20s was dominated by career goals. Had you asked me, I probably would have said that was my life vision! But I hadn’t taken the time to really think about what I wanted from my life.
Deciding what we want the end result to look like and working towards that goal, with a focused plan and consistent action supports us to live the life we imagined. I definitely would have benefitted from doing this in my 20s - and potentially saved myself a lot of time, career missteps and angst.
Take time to discover what activities and tasks make you feel fulfilled. And then design your life, career or business around them. In this way, you will be strategic, and intentional and save yourself a lot of time, energy and focus.
Act - Not sure about your life vision? One way to get clear is to connect with your future self.
8. Travel light
This one is both figurative and literal. Literally, it would’ve been really good if I’d learned to travel light in my 20s. Given I was working in corporate, I did a lot of business travel, so, fortunately, I managed to travel with carry-on luggage only and keep my required items limited for work-related travel.
However, it was another story when I was travelling for vacation! On my first big solo world trip at age 24, I carried a massive backpack with a 1kg book I was sure I’d read during the 6 weeks of travel. But… I didn’t crack the spine.
Sadly, when travelling with my husband on our first few trips together (yes, undertaken in our 20s!), we were just as bad.
Travelling with less has many benefits, as does identifying what is actually enough. Once you know what enough looks and feels like for you, you are then more able to live a deliberate, intentional life.
Act - Whether it’s for travelling, your home, career, schedule or something else entirely, identifying your ‘enough’ is a valuable undertaking.
9. It’s okay to say no
In my 20s I said yes to nearly every opportunity offered to me, which (mostly) ended up being terrific. But I also found myself agreeing to things that I really didn’t want to do, which at best would make me resentful and cranky, and at worst I’d feel incredibly uncomfortable, and even at times, unsafe. At that time I was definitely a perfectionist with people-pleasing tendencies. In hindsight I can see I needed to learn it was okay (and in fact sometimes very smart), to say no.
Whether it be in our career, business, or life, learning how to say a kind, clear strategic no is an important lesson and one that we can benefit from learning as early as possible, especially if we want to feel more in control of and intentional in our career, time and life.
Act - Saying no takes practice. Try writing out how to say no gracefully, wording it carefully. Then practice it so it feels easy and natural next time you are asked to do something you know is a clear no for you.
10. Be yourself
In my 20s I spent a lot of time worrying about what other people thought of me; my career decisions, how I looked, my clothing choices, and even where I lived. So much time and energy were expended thinking about how my life looked from the outside.
I wish I’d known the only person I needed to please was myself. Yes, it’s important to listen to others' advice and wisdom, particularly those who have more experience but ultimately, it’s more important to trust our own instincts and intuition.
Having the confidence to be yourself often comes later in life. And we are bombarded by messages from popular culture in the media, society and everything in between telling us how and who we should be. The key is just to be yourself. You are enough, worthy, and perfect, the way you are.
Act - Live your life on your own terms and do things that make YOU joyful. Not sure what that is? Try playing.
There you have it, 10 life lessons I wish I’d learned a lot earlier! All the experiences I had that taught me these lessons directly contributed to who I am now, as both a career and life confidence coach, and as a woman. The biggest benefit of knowing and applying these 10 lessons is greater confidence in my career, business and life.
Certainly, time and experience help boost confidence, but pausing, reflecting, and celebrating our lessons and learnings are also important!
How about you? Do you look back in your life and consider what you wish you knew at the time? Or marvel at how much you have learned? I’d love to know.
More Support
Reading about the life lessons I wish I had learned earlier and taking action on the suggestions here can help you boost your confidence. As mentioned, one lesson was to seek professional support.
As a career, business, and life confidence coach, I work with people who want to make changes in their life; whether it be to discover a career or business full of purpose and meaning, or create a life they love. The accountability and confidence they gain from working with me supports them to move into and stay in action to make their goals happen.
A confidence package, which includes 6 individual coaching sessions starts with a complimentary consult where together we can determine if coaching with me is right for you. Get started today – simply book your call.
