Balance is hard: harmony may be the answer

The conversation around balance over the last few years has escalated from the occasional wellbeing article referencing work-life balance for parents, to a topic frequently discussed in the mainstream media. When the lead item on the nightly news is the struggle of balance, as it often has been during the last few years, we know it’s definitely something the majority of us are grappling with!

The Challenge of Balance

Balance inherently references a type of tension, as it’s not a static state. When I say balance, it is easy to immediately think of work-life balance, as I referred to above. And certainly, work/life balance is very important, especially in these times.

However, for many of us, attempting to achieve some sort of work-life balance is already our (often unachievable) reality, and the last two years of disruption and upheaval and the increased technological demands of online work, school and social life have not helped!

Balance is defined as a ‘situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions', or ‘an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady’.

Both of these sound great in theory, but most people I know, and especially women, find life is variable and what feels balanced changes from one day to the next.

For some, the best way to create a sense of balance is to schedule the time and create space in our day for pursuing the activities that HAVE to happen and those they CHOOSE to pursue. For example, this might look like; 8.30 am and 12.30 pm is time for paid work. Then 12.30 pm to 1.30 pm is lunch, and time to read or learn a new skill. For others, a semblance of balance can be achieved by creating clear boundaries between their various commitments. For example, only looking at work emails during work hours.

Yet, when we look at balance as something that needs to be achieved, it’s incredibly defeating. Every day, we need to decide again, what does balance look like today? And then we have to make it happen. That is exhausting.

Balance is not something we achieve – it is not a project. It is a daily practice. Like living with intention, or simplifying; balance too requires ongoing practice.

As regular readers may know, I have been practising this style of living for a few years with my intentional approach to life, my career and business. And whilst I have had some success with various methods including visualising my future self, decluttering and a focus on simplifying, it is still an ongoing practice. That is, it takes conscious consideration, and yes, work.

And so, with the term balance no longer feeling adequate to describe what my clients are desiring, I have found myself leaning towards a new term; harmony. 

When balance is hard; Harmony may be a better fit

The best music in the world is full of harmony

Harmony is defined as ‘the quality of forming a pleasing and consistent whole’. Harmony includes acknowledging our life is complex and multi-layered. Harmony also describes a feeling or sound, where multiple elements combine to create a wonderful, beautiful whole. (Think about some of the best music in the world… it’s full of harmony) 

Put simply, I see harmony as the various elements and aspects of our lives combining to create a better, more beautiful whole. 

Living with harmony is also an ongoing practice (just like balance), BUT there is no burden of achievement. The fluid nature of harmony means we acknowledge that things are always shifting and harmony is not a destination. Rather it is the way we choose to live our life.

This feels like a more apt description of how most people, myself included, would prefer to describe and live life. 

How do we create more harmony?

There are many ways we can create more harmony in our life. Below are my current touchstones for creating more harmony in my life, in an intentional, deliberate way. Perhaps one or more of these will feel right for you too.

Values

First and foremost when considering what harmony means for me and my clients, is exploring and reconnecting with our values. This is the cornerstone to knowing what components are key to a harmonious life. Once I got very clear on my values, I could use them as a guide for all my career and life decisions.

Similarly, one of the first things I work on with a new client is getting very clear on their values, and how these are currently playing out (or not) in their career, business and life.

(If you aren’t sure what your values are, or need a quick reminder - simply ask yourself, what matters most to me? Why? Your answers to this are usually a pretty good indicator of your values.)

Flexibility

Harmony in my life means building in flexibility in my week for work, family and other commitments. On a practical level, this means I break my days into chunks of time and use that as a guide for what I will do at what time.  I work hard to ensure that when the kids need me, I am available and present for them before and after school. Whilst still available for my clients and business during core hours, my kids are the priority outside of school hours. And flexibility ensures I still have time for friendships, exercise and my own additional activities too.

Taking a flexible approach can be a great way to build in some harmony.

Learn to say No

One of the areas many of my clients struggle with is saying no. Which I completely understand as I too often struggle with this! Being intentional in this area certainly helps. As does remembering that saying no to new requests is really saying yes to those things which we have already committed.

Conversely, saying yes to new things is saying no to (at least one of) your current activities. And that’s okay, as we change over time. Perhaps the yes you are wanting to say now, is more aligned with who you are, your values and what brings you joy.  And those are key factors in a harmonious life.

Delegate

Delegation is often associated with leadership, workplaces or with businesses. But delegating need not be limited to work or business-related activities.  When we delegate and free up some of the ongoing demands we face, we have more time to pursue the things we actually enjoy and love. Regardless of the nature of the pursuit, if it’s something we love and enjoy, the sense of balance and yes, harmony, that will result is appealing, attractive and necessary.

Strategic delegation can assist with confidence building for those to whom we’ve delegated. Being asked to complete a task and given responsibility for it, also boosts self-esteem. Which can be important to remember when we feel unable to delegate to others. Asking your teen to prepare dinner is therefore helping build their confidence and self-esteem, not a chore!

“A lighter cognitive load gives you more space to pursue your gifts”. - Erica Layne

Simplify

Like delegation, simplifying frees up mental and physical space, giving you more freedom to create the harmonious life you desire. Simplifying does not necessarily mean quitting your job, decluttering or downsizing your home or any other big decision. Simplifying your life to create harmony can be as easy as establishing routines, habits or systems. Once we have simplified our lives, we are more able to focus on what brings us joy. Which in turn provides a greater sense of harmony.

Benefits of harmony

There are many benefits of focusing on harmony rather than balance. The biggest, as experienced by my clients, is the PRACTICAL benefits. When we choose harmony instead of balance, our decision making is more intentional, we simplify our commitments and those of our families. And thus, we experience less overwhelm both for ourselves and our families, more peace of mind, and greater calm and contentment.

By recognising and acknowledging the impossibility of a perfect work/life balance, and adjusting to a life where a fluid harmony is our aim, we are able to live with more intention. Then, as we embrace living an intentional, harmonious life, we gain clarity and boost our confidence.

And that sounds pretty good to me.

What might harmony and balance look like for you? With some forethought and a little planning, perhaps there are ways you can remove some of the busyness and friction from your day-to-day, and create a more harmonious life for yourself and your loved ones.

Does my description of harmony rather than balance resonate with you, but do you feel like it doesn’t describe your life?

I’d love to work with you to help change that.  As a Career & Life Confidence Coach, I support people making changes to live authentically, harmoniously and intentionally, as they create and embrace a career and life they love.

Working together in a coaching program starts with determining if we are the right fit, which we do via a complimentary consult.  If you’re interested in working with me and wonder if a coaching program is right for you, click through to learn more.